Me, scared? Ha! Never—as long as we don’t talk about my drinking, says the little voice deep within. It’s not always easy to tell ourselves the truth, especially when it comes to something as common or as serious as drinking. Most people would rather avoid any discussion of alcohol unless it fits the social narrative of more is better. After years of observation and working with people who decided to stop drinking, I’ve noticed that it seems the only people who are comfortable enough with the subject of drinking are people who fall into one of two categories:
1.) Those who have already quit drinking.
2.) The dwindling number of drinkers who imbibe on occasion. In other words, true “social drinkers.”
These two camps are comfortable enough with their actions to discuss their relationship with alcohol. In contrast, most people will talk about alcohol, but only if it’s to discuss new drinks they’ve tasted and insist that you must try it too, or those who prefer to deliberate over what type of wine goes best with red meat or scampi.
Everyone has their definition of what normal drinking looks like but let’s go with this one by the NIAAA: Any amount of alcohol over seven drinks a week for women and nine drinks a week for men put people at risk for Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) or alcoholism.
Women especially are drinking more and more. Some wine companies market specifically to women. They attract buyers with lovely floral wine labels, such as Constellation Brands Inc. In addition, book clubs have become wine clubs; wine is offered and drunk at beauty salons, bridal boutiques, and the grocery store. It’s well known that bachelor and bachelorette parties are three to four-day drinking events, and because everyone does it, no one is alarmed. People are desensitized to alcoholic drinking. It’s gotten so bad that no one sees anything wrong with IV vans that drive around big cities to offer IV rehydration. One woman spent a weekend drinking in Nashville and she said she went every morning of the party weekend to a doctor who only took cash, but he hydrated her and her friends to help them feel less hungover. However, keep in mind, hydration does nothing to negate the damage done by drinking.
What I have to ask is when did it become normal to drink to excess and pay someone to hydrate you so you can go out and do it all over again? Why doesn’t this behavior scare people? Alcoholism is a progressive and fatal disease.
People tell me one of the biggest fears they have when they consider a change around their drinking is that they will lose friends. I tell them, some of those friends may need losing. Anyone who doesn’t want what’s best for you is not a friend. Sadly, the fear of being ostracized from the group and finding new healthier friends is a hurdle that some people refuse to consider—they are that afraid of change.
It takes far more courage to face a drinking problem than to run from one. It can be daunting to deal with the layers of emotional baggage: resentments, anger, and fear; mounds of debris hidden under heavy drinking— no matter what the problem, be it a troubled marriage, a difficult child, a food or gambling addiction, low self-esteem … what matters is to dig deep and muster the courage to face whatever it is that’s taking over your life. The subsequent freedom is priceless, and here’s the truth: I have yet to meet one person who ever regretted changing their life for the better.
Not too long ago a friend called. She was in tears. She wailed into the phone that she knew she needed to make some changes, but was afraid. Her reasoning went something like this: I’m scared to acknowledge I drink too much because then I’ll feel guilty if I don’t do something about it. It’s easier to keep the lie going even though I know my life would be better if I changed. She feared that once she became armed with knowledge related to problematic drinking that she might identify too much, and then what? Her rationalizations for the avoidance of the topic were a good clue that she was already there.
Few people want to ask themselves hard questions such as: Why do I need to drink or serve alcohol at my toddler or school-age child’s birthday party? Why do I think it’s funny to pose my seven-year-old with her hip thrust out holding a plastic wine glass? Was I drinking when I snapped that picture and posted it on Facebook? Yikes, how embarrassing!
These are questions few people want to deliberate, but if you want to feel fulfilled and have peace with yourself, we have to go there. Don’t be afraid! We cannot shift the tide or even begin to dial back the drinking culture until we can recognize the myriad of ways that we’ve already stepped over the line.
Of all the people who faced the truth about themselves and their drinking—none has ever regretted the sanity that comes back into their lives; the increased self-esteem, the joy of waking up without a hangover, the ability to look at their lives through clear eyes. If you decide that all that wine has become an integral part of your life to the detriment of other things, and you’re brave enough to give it up—rest assured that a beautiful life awaits on the other side.
Lisa is the author of the award-winning book, Raising the Bottom: Mindful Choices in a Drinking Culture. After short stints where she trained polo horses, worked as a flight attendant, hairdresser, and bartender, she revamped her life and settled in as a registered nurse. For the past twenty-nine years has worked with hundreds of women to overcome alcoholism, live better lives and become better parents. She was prompted to write Raising the Bottom when she realized after twenty plus years of working in hospitals, that doctors and traditional healthcare offer few solutions to women with addiction issues. You can start reading for free on Amazon. Follow her on Twitter @LBoucherAuthor and Instagram