I can no longer stay silent. I am fed up with people who bash the lifesaving program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Is it perfect? No. Does it have pros and cons? Yes, but so does breathing. When you have a fractured rib, it hurts, but hey, we have to keep breathing anyway. In that same spirit, I and millions of others forge on in Alcoholic’s Anonymous because it works when nothing else did.

The survival of Alcoholic’s Anonymous is crucial. I continue to watch people try other methods and often when all else fails, they end up in AA. I watched my mother suffer for twenty-five years. She tried a slew of therapists, gurus, and renowned psychiatrists all to no avail. She did, however, get sober in AA and found an unimaginable life that she never could attain any other way.

It was only natural that when I decided to stop drinking, I went the same route that proved successful for my mother. Since that fateful day in 1989, I have watched scores of people revolve through the doors of AA; some never to return, and others who return after a few years or a few months trying to figure it out. Some die trying, others stay dry but remain miserable, and others came back to AA because they were sick of failing—spectacularly, and that they were now humbled enough to try a solution that seemed to work for so many.

As a result of the twelve steps, other recovery programs have sprung up such as Celebrate Recovery and Smart Recovery. Both programs have found solid footing in the recovery world because they also give people a roadmap through the steps to deal with the personality quirks, traumas, and emotional baggage that sent many of us to the bottle in the first place.

Some of the arguments against AA just aren’t true:

There are no absolutes. I have been sober for thirty years in the rooms of AA and not once has anyone told me what religion I had to be, or that I needed to believe in God to recover ( I do believe in God, but I’ve met many over the years who are atheists and they too have found long-term recovery in AA).

Is AA patriarchal? No, it is not. There are gobs of women meetings in most communities and if a person wants to avoid males altogether, it’s not all that hard to do.

I didn’t go to Alcoholics Anonymous to meet a man. I went to save my own life and for the most part, 99.9 percent of the time the men have been respectful. Of course, you’re going to get guys who are predators and sometimes women prey on the new person because they too are there for all the wrong reasons.  In any fellowship across the world, when you have a cross-section of people from society you’ll get the good and the bad. Why is there the expectation that people in AA are not allowed to be fallible or just plain awful (as some people in the world tend to be?)

One woman recently wrote an opinion piece and said something about worrying about programs that tell people to renounce power and if we acknowledge our powerlessness that can “make us sicker.” Are you kidding me? Seriously, what alcoholic has gotten sober who thinks they can still “control” their drinking? If you can’t admit that you’re powerless over ALCOHOL (Step 1 in AA) then you’re probably aren’t ready to get sober, and I doubt that any method that you try will work. There is nothing in AA that says we have to walk around like powerless victims, but it does encourage one to find a higher power. As our society becomes more secular, more and more people seem to have an aversion toward God. Sadly, a Godless world seems to produce people who are angrier and lonelier… all you have to do is look at the suicide stats to know that something is not right.

Why talk negatively against any program that has helped millions of people recover, and one that has also helped restore just as many families?

I really don’t care how a person gets sober. If whatever you do works for you—great—but to bash any particular program that has proven results reeks of hubris. The odds of anyone staying sober for any length of time are not all that great. Alcoholism and addiction is a complicated disease for complicated people, and many have lived complicated lives. There are no foolproof or failproof solutions.

There’s a huge market for people who want to hear that you can get sober and not have to work for it; that you can get sober completely on your own; that you can get sober on your terms and you won’t have to learn to deal with difficult people or accept anything that you don’t want to or accept; that you can have it your way and do what you want and still get sober; that you won’t have to deal with anything that upsets you…this may be an over-exaggeration but my point is, we tend to want to hear what we want to hear. However, if you want to get the beast of alcoholism off of your back—get over yourself. Most alcoholics are self-centered. They/we/I chased the drink to numb feelings. Some keep drinking and drugging until the disease brings total humiliation, but that too is a choice. You can choose recovery.

Humility is not something that alcoholics or addicts possess while in the throes of their disease. Instead, many lack a healthy dose of self-worth or self-esteem, all the while clinging to an ego that tells them they are “fine” and that everyone else is the problem.

I work in healthcare. I see the wreckage of human lives that flows through the doors of emergency rooms and psych wards. Most of the admissions have drugs or alcohol in their story. Most are in denial about their addictions; the vast majority are not interested in recovery because recovery requires a person to be an active participant in their own life. No blaming allowed.

Everyone wants a quick fix. The most recent Cadillac of insanity that I came across is to think that magic mushrooms could ever be a solution to alcoholism. Sure, I imagine a person would be drinking less when they are tripping, but hey, some people might want to call that progress but I’m going to call foul.

There is more than one way to get sober, but in order to live happily, regardless of what method a person chooses, we can’t escape the hard emotional work that needs to be done. There is a vast difference between being sober and being dry, and yet too many people pontificate their views without spending enough time in recovery rooms listening to people who tried all sorts of ways that didn’t work, and only when those same people were humbled enough did they reach for the hand of AA or some other twelve-step program that not only saved them but helped to change them.

Lisa Boucher is the award-winning author of “Raising The Bottom: Making Mindful Choices in Drinking Culture.” She has contributed to notable publications such as Shape Magazine, U.S. News & World Report, The Fix, and is a frequent guest on numerous syndicated radio and podcast shows where she talks about addiction, alcoholism, childhood trauma, and how we can heal. A recovering alcoholic, she has been sober for thirty years and understands the complex nature of addiction and how childhood trauma is often at the root of what ails us. A registered nurse, Lisa believes that traditional healthcare does little to incorporate the mind-body connection, nor does our current culture appreciate the healing power of nature.