This post is for people new to sobriety (or maybe you’re taking a booze break), and the thought of going to a barbeque, wedding or any other summer holiday bash without drinking has you in a bit of fright.
First, think of the benefits of not drinking: You’ll feel better, look better, and remain in control of all of your faculties, (no acting the fool—ever). You’ll save money on rideshare, because you won’t be too drunk to drive yourself. You can choose to stay at the gathering, or you can leave. You’ll no longer base your decision on, “Well, there’s free booze so let’s stick it out with these schmucks, even if you’re not fond of the company (your family & maybe a few pseudo-friends) or having a great time.
How does someone with no experience in the nondrinking world navigate Memorial Day, the Fourth of July, and Labor Day, without booze?
Take a deep breath and know this: An alcohol-free summer can be done and it can be done so well you won’t miss the hangover—no, you won’t miss it one single bit!
So you’re going to the family gathering and everyone will be drinking. You have two choices: Skip the party this year (if you’re super new to sobriety) or go to the party armed with a plan:
- Have your own transportation so you can leave when you are ready to go. Be that fifteen minutes or two hours into it—the second you feel uncomfortable—leave.
- Take a sober buddy/teetotaler with you.
- Plan something else so that you have to leave the party after an hour or two because you have another engagement. (No one needs to know it’s only a coffee date with your sister or a hike with a friend).
- As soon as you get there, mix yourself a beverage. Sparkling water with a squeeze of lime is a refreshing option and looks just like a drink. No one needs to know your business until you’re ready to share. Another option is if you’re good friends with the host/hostess talk to them ahead of time and ask if there will be anything besides water or soda for those who don’t drink alcohol.
Drink in hand Rational: The reason you want to beeline to the bar and get a drink in your hand is that once people see you drinking something—you won’t have to field that “want a drink?” question. If someone makes a big deal about you not drinking (shame on them). Walk away. In my experience, the only people who ever cared that I wasn’t drinking were people with drinking problems. Normal, social drinkers are impartial to alcohol, and would never occur to them to question someone for not drinking.
Summer is the ideal time to stay busy outdoors. There’s plenty to do besides sit on decks drinking. Some ideas for new hobbies and activities:
Take the kayak trip you always talk about but haven’t done yet
Take up water aerobics, running, or walking.
Take the kids to the park or the pool and leave the Solo cups at home.
Take a nature class.
Take up painting, pottery.
Go get your CCW permit and spend time at an outdoor range.
Take up archery.
Plant a garden. There’s nothing better than harvesting veggies that you grew!
Spend time experimenting in the kitchen to solidify your new reputation as the person who makes banging mocktails and other nonalcoholic drinks.
Life is full of wonderful things, but when your view is only from a patio chair or the bar, it’s easy to think that there’s not much else to do.
In early sobriety, I got busy and went back to school, plus I had twin babies to care for. I can’t imagine how chaotic my life would’ve been if during that time, I still drank.
When you step back or away from the drinking life the realization hits—wow, I have time to do all sorts of things. A nondrinking life will feel strange at first, so you have to fill the time you spent drinking with something constructive. It’s no surprise that almost all of the people I know who got sober eventually picked up a hobby.
I was shocked, and maybe even sad, when a few months into sobriety I realized how much time drinking and recovering from drinking usurped, and I had nothing, absolutely nothing to show for all of the time I wasted and would never get back.
Heavy drinkers tend to hang out with other heavy drinkers. If you’re trying to cut back or quit, you’ll have to make some hard choices: make new friends who support your healthy choice or stick with the same people who like to drink. There is no wholly wrong answer, but it’s obvious which option would bring more peace and be easier to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Lifestyle changes are never easy. It’s human nature to get in what we call a routine, but maybe that routine is really a rut that’s sapping your energy and stealing your joy? Maybe the changes that we know we want and sometimes need to make are put off and delayed out of fear? It’s hard to predict what’s on the other side of change, but until you give it a try, you’ll never know.
Lisa is the author of the award-winning book, Raising the Bottom: Mindful Choices in a Drinking Culture. After short stints where she trained polo horses, worked as a flight attendant, hairdresser, and bartender, she revamped her life and settled in as a registered nurse. For the past twenty-nine years has worked with hundreds of women to overcome alcoholism, live better lives and become better parents. She was prompted to write Raising the Bottom when she realized after twenty plus years of working in hospitals, that doctors and traditional healthcare offer few solutions to women with addiction issues. You can start reading for free on Amazon. Follow her on Twitter @LBoucherAuthor and Instagram.