There’s a plethora of information about the adverse effects of alcohol on adults, but what is the mommy wine culture doing to the kids?
It’s a new phenomenon where parents take their kids with them to visit microbreweries and other trendy lunch spots. When did things change? When did we decide that day drinking with kids in tow was the way to go, and why do so few adults push back, but instead, go along for the ride?
People all label themselves social drinkers, but if you’re drinking mid-day with your babies and toddlers perched in strollers, and these kids are expected to sit there for hours while parents imbibe—can we still call this social drinking, or is that more like alcohol dependence that has been normalized?
I can only say that I am forever grateful that I got sober before I had my twins. I know I would’ve and could’ve had countless times where I’m certain I would’ve made poor parenting decisions. It goes with the territory when you’re a drinker, a fact that many would rather ignore. But, hey, I get it. One of the hardest things we can ever do is get honest with ourselves.
I am concerned about the next generation of children—too many of them grow up in sports bars and micro-breweries, only to be told a few years down the line, “don’t drink.”
Rarely do adults stop to think about how their drinking impacts their children or what it looks like from the eyes of a child. There is an obvious shift in behavior and/or demeanor when parents down three or four beers or glasses of wine during a family meal. Children as young as two or three years old can perceive altered behavior and moods when alcohol or drugs is on board.
So what do kids think about their parent’s drinking? 18% said it makes them embarrassed. 11% of the kids are scared or worried by their parents drinking, and from what I can tell there is no slowing up on the alcohol front.
Millions of children are distress by their parents or caregivers who drink, yet, it seems that most parents ignore or deny that their kids’ are in any way distressed by their drinking. Parents say they are worried about their children but are they only worried if they don’t have to change their own behavior and drink less?
We have to get honest with ourselves if we want to help our children. Kids raised in alcohol-fueled homes are more likely to view alcohol negatively when young but are also more likely to drink as a teen.
National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH) states that 8.7 million children live with at least one adult who abuses alcohol. I can tell you from my own experience working in healthcare and also a person in long-term recovery, and as a child of an alcoholic—that 8.7 million seems to be a low estimate, and should probably be quadrupled because most people when asked about their drinking or substance abuse, lie. How many people surveyed said they only drank two drinks? Alcoholics and people with substance use disorders seem to have the same pat answer, “I only had a few.” Or I never drink more than a couple.”
It matters little where you send your kids to daycare and preschool and even high school if they’re going to be surrounded by parents who all drink liberally in front of the kids. A child’s success depends a great deal on what they learn and see at home, and alcohol, like any drug can derail a life. How is it helpful to have schools educate children about the dangers of drugs and alcohol if they go home to party central?
There are all sorts of concerns for ensuring that kids who struggle with mental health issues find help, but how many kids have mental health issues because of their parent’s drinking and the behavior that results from drinking? Marital stress and discord tend to happen more frequently in homes where one or more partner abuse substances. The stress children feel due to their parent’s substance abuse cannot be underestimated, and the dysfunction in the home breeds academic problems, stress problems, and in some cases lower IQs.
When we know that alcohol contributes to discord in the home, and we know that children are adversely affected by their parents drinking, why is alcohol pushed so hard in our society? Just this week I saw Rose flavored Kettle Corn, Irish whiskey brownies and alcohol-infused yogurt and ice cream.
How many of these treats are targeted to children? Or if they’re not targeted toward children how many parents will buy these treats only to have kids get a hold of them? And why do so many parents think the memes and mommy wine culture are funny and harmless? The messaging alone should worry us all.
I am saddened by the number of children who live with parents who drink heavily. Drinking has a negative impact on a child’s welfare, but our culture pushes booze and makes it seem like it’s a necessary part of daily living. Kids that drink are three times more likely to commit suicide. Parents who drink are more likely to commit suicide. The World Health Organization states that 350 million people suffer from some form of depression. Of those 350 million people, how many daily drink a depressant such as alcohol? The National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH) did a survey of 270,000 people and 50.7% of those people all drank. Overall 136.7 million Americans ages 12 and older drink alcohol, and that number alone should concern us all.
Lisa Boucher is the award-winning author of “Raising The Bottom: Making Mindful Choices in Drinking Culture.” She has contributed to notable publications such as Shape Magazine, U.S. News & World Report, The Fix, and is a frequent guest on numerous syndicated radio and podcast shows where she talks about addiction, alcoholism, childhood trauma, and how we can heal. A recovering alcoholic, she has been sober for thirty years and understands the complex nature of addiction and how childhood trauma is often at the root of what ails us. A registered nurse, Lisa believes that traditional healthcare does little to incorporate the mind-body connection, nor does our current culture appreciate the healing power of nature.