If you’ve come to my site, you know we’re gonna talk about the drinking thing! So let’s be clear, I am not against responsible adults having a few drinks. If you’re someone who can roll like that then maybe you’ve come to my site to educate yourself because you have a loved one or a friend who’s in trouble, and for the life of you, you can’t figure out what to do for them. The truth is—there’s not much you can do, other than be sure not to enable them. Take a stand and make them clean up their own messes. When they blame others, and maybe even you for the sad state of their affairs, shrug it off and heap the solution right back in their laps.

The person creating all the mayhem will always think that everyone else it the problem. This is normal for someone in the throes of addiction to think like that. Here’s what will help you understand that you probably have little to do with their drinking problem: You didn’t cause it; you can’t control it; you can’t cure it.

Next time the person tries to drag you into their drama, ask yourself these three questions:

• What’s the problem?
• Whose problem is it?
• What’s my part?

If you don’t have a part in the situation, then it’s not your problem to solve, so please, don’t take it on! So simple, but difficult because the alcoholic or addict in your life is most likely a masterful manipulator and they will resist your efforts to take care of yourself.

People brush-off help for their problem for three reasons:

• Denial: They don’t believe they have a problem.
• Effort: It takes an enormous amount of willingness and effort to clean-up a life and to want to live differently. Sadly, too many just can’t be bothered.
• Honesty: They have to be honest and admit that there is a problem before they can begin to address the problem.

Alcoholism and drug addiction is sticky business. One alcoholic in the family can disrupt the whole environment. When the child is a minor, the best course of action is to seek as much help as possible, but be careful when you choose a doctor. So many of them still don’t understand addiction and they will throw medication at the problem and probably give the youngster a diagnosis of depression. Taking antidepressants while continuing to use drugs or alcohol is a recipe for failure. The antidepressants will not change the using behavior.

For adult children, the best course is to ask them to leave the home. My mother never could cut my sister off, financially, and it kept her out there using and abusing for over thirty years. Enabling in the form of “helping” never works.

Please, I welcome your comments and questions. Let’s talk!